Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
