Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
