dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
