I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my being single is dangerous.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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