so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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