He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
MIDGETS
????
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
