We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
