Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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