I skipped work to stalk him.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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