Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
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Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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