he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
