Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
