I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
