i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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