can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
