i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
