I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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