come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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