Kareoke will never be a sober sport
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
