Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
