at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
