Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
