see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
