Your tits are I can't wait for
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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