You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
