your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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