if i can run in heels then i can drive
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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