I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
