There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize