We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Boobs speak an international language.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
