If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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