Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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