his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
