New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
