Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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