dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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