I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize