she was so not down for the gang bang
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
