Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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