Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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