bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
