dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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