Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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