it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
A bitchslap is in order.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
