I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
