and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
