I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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