Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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