Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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