the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
