Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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