I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
