haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
