I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The air was thick with penises
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize