Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
