highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
BRING THE BAGELS
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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