The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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