It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
