I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
