Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
