I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
