she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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