I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
