I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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